Smuggler’s Blues

Written last week on the plane ride back to sweet, sweet shopping freedom…

Will one day be used for blackmail...

Will one day be used for blackmail…

We’re on our way back to the USA for the summer. This year has been a little light on postings. I apologize. Apparently, working full time means less time to get finished things onto the blog. I do have quite a few things started and abandoned that could perhaps still make an appearance. I have big writing goals for the summer. I always have these, of course. Maybe this year I will be able to meet some of them! Keep your fingers crossed.

But for now, an answer to a burning question! People often want to know what we bring home in the summer and the kinds of things we smuggle back in our suitcases to Shanghai. Maybe “smuggle” is the wrong word since China has never really bothered to investigate our suitcases in all the times we have gone back and forth. When we lived in Australia, I used to get stopped all the time and have things confiscated. Ranch dressing mix never made it in. It has dried milk powder in it and for the Aussies milk products of any kind were a no-no. My bags always got a thorough search.  Going from the USA to China, TSA always goes through the bags as well.  We get those nice little notes that inform us someone has looked through our stuff.  I am sure they wonder what the hell we are doing, bringing what must look like a crazy amount of Target with us as we head to the Middle Kingdom.  The Chinese probably care about some things coming in, but my ever-growing list of must haves isn’t anything they are interested in wasting their time finding. China is a busy, busy place. China has no time to worry about my suitcases full of contraband.  They wave us through every single time.

To get ready for vacation, I always calculate my bags and their weight. But let’s be honest, I am only really concerned with weight on the trip back to Shanghai. I can bring home three 70 pound bags and so can Mark. The kids only get one 50 pound bag each, but still this means I can bring back 9 bags! So what do I bring from China to the USA? Empty suitcases, of course! I put bags inside bags to be sure I have enough of them for the return journey to Shanghai. I should also add that on the way back to China, those bags are filled to within half a pound of their maximum weight. Sometimes the agent checking us in will clap in appreciation.  My skills are that impressive.  So what’s in the bags?  All this…

Things I Bring Back from the United States in No Particular Order:

  1. Peanut Butter
  2. Breakfast Cereal!
  3. Oatmeal
  4. Vitamins
  5. Any and all over the counter medicine
  6. Crackers and Triscuits
  7. Rotel
  8. Lotion
  9. Shampoo
  10. Dog Treats
  11. Granola Bars, Nutragrain Bars, Luna Bars
  12. Dry Onion Soup Mix
  13. Dry Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing Mix
  14. Mayonnaise
  15. Electronic Components for Mark
  16. Spices
  17. Vanilla Extract
  18. Laundry detergent
  19. Chocolate Chips
  20. Shoes that fit for me
  21. Cheap clothes for the kids
  22. Shoes for the kids
  23. Make up
  24. Knitting Supplies
  25. Protein Powder
  26. Mio Drink Drops
  27. Cocoa (for baking)
  28. Cocoa Mix (for the kids to drink)
  29. Panko Bread Crumbs
  30. Cornmeal
  31. Grits
  32. Dog Toys and Bones
  33. Ingredients for anything I want to make for Thanksgiving
  34. American Halloween candy
  35. Halloween costumes
  36. Dog medicine (Heartworm and Flea and Tick)
  37. Cat stuff
  38. Asthma medication
  39. Toothpaste
  40. Tampons
  41. Books for the school’s library
  42. Magic Erasers
  43. Dishwashing detergent
  44. BBQ Sauce (Sweet Baby Ray’s)

Yes, I know that many of these things are MADE IN CHINA.  The dirty little secret here is that those things are made for export.  You cannot buy them in China.  Many of the other things I am hauling internationally are available in China.  In order to buy them, however, I need to get a second job or take out a loan.  It is very hard to just let that go when you are standing in Target and see something priced at $3 knowing that in Shanghai I would pay so so so much more.  IMG_1398

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

Before you judge, I would like to mention that people we know bring in much crazier things.  Entire blocks of cheddar cheese, for example.  Not the small ones, mind you, but the ones from the deli. They buy the entire block and shove it in their suitcases. Someone else we know brought in a WHOLE LAMB. Yes, that’s what I said. They like lamb and they don’t trust the meat in China. While I was surprised that this managed to be something one could bring in a suitcase, I was also a little jealous that I hadn’t thought of it first. Sometimes desperation will do that to you. If you have a baby you will certainly smuggle baby formula and diapers. Luckily, I am past that stage so instead I have considered bringing back Maryland crab cakes, frozen veggie sausage, and frozen biscuits. What is left of my good sense stops me. For now. But you never know. If you happen to see us in the airport and we have a suitcase that looks a little, um, leaky, please just ignore us.

 

 

Pet Zoo

In Shanghai we keep accumulating more pets.  First there was Ming Ming the street kitten, adopted under duress.  Lucas had been begging for a cat and so China obliged by letting a stray have a litter of kittens in our utility closet.  For once I was ahead of the game and after I encouraged all the neighborhood kids to peek at the kittens over and over, the mama cat finally wised up and moved them all as far away from Team Erickson as possible.  But China is not easily outsmarted; so early in the spring another brand new kitten appeared, crying and helpless on our neighbors’ sidewalk.  Lucas was loading the poor thing into a box before any of the other neighborhood kids even had an idea that there might be an available kitten.  I will admit that I went soft.  She really was cute—so tiny and helpless.  Even once she started growing like crazy she was still pretty adorable.  Evidence:

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And now?

Cat Yoga

Cat Yoga

Mean as a snake.  Oh, Ming Ming is still cute, but after we left her with only the dog and the ayi for company all summer long she has developed some issues.  She loves the dog with an unnatural passion, for one, and she barely tolerates people.  Her favorite activity is hiding in random shopping bags and launching herself at unsuspecting children.  After Ming Ming the Terrible, I vowed that we were done with pets.  This, of course, is like daring the universe to drop something in your lap.  And being in China, you know it won’t be your ordinary kind of thing, right?  The kids were begging for a rabbit so what did China decide to let loose all over the neighborhood?  Bunnies, of course! Well played, China.  Well played.

The specifics aren’t important, but let’s just say they involved Chinese New Year fireworks, multiple neighbors chasing rabbits, and, ultimately, the Erickson children bringing one of the escapees into our house.  This time I stood firm.  No rabbit.  Mark was less steadfast.  We now have a bunny.

The important thing here is for us all to realize the ultimate silver lining.  Yes, I have an extra pet to house and feed.  Yes, I am yelling constantly about the care of the rabbit.  But without the rabbit I would never have had the need to go to a Chinese pet supply store!  I would never been able to compare the ease and reliability of yet another American institution to the haphazard unpredictability of a Chinese one!

Yes, over the Chinese New Year holiday I found myself trekking across the river to go to one of the bigger pet supply stores in Shanghai.  I would love to say it came highly recommended, but a tepid and reserved recommendation was enough for me.  Rabbits need stuff, apparently, and our local pet shop did not have anything even resembling rabbit supplies.  No matter!  There are other places with the things we need!  And so off I went to Pet Zoo.

I can see why you might be thinking that Shanghai’s Pet Zoo is like Pet Smart or PetCo in the United States.  You would be wrong to think this.  Does Pet Smart feature disco lighting?  I think not.  Does PetCo have the feel of a post apocalyptic 7-11?  No, it does not.  Only Pet Zoo can achieve these things.  Only Pet Zoo.

Upon arrival I was surprised that I needed to take an elevator up to the store.  I was even more surprised to see this sign in the elevator:IMG_0803

Points for honesty, I suppose. Do not bring your exotic pet for boarding at Pet Zoo if you expect it to be alive when you come to pick it back up.  Consider yourself warned.

There are pets for sale at Pet Zoo in case you want to pick up something to replace the iguana they were unable to keep alive for you during your trip to Thailand.  I thought about taking a few photos of the cats they had labeled “Garfield” except the amount of cat snot on the plexiglass obscured their snarling little faces.  I also refrained from photographing the various rodents and such they had in open bins at the back of the store.  The rabbit food and hay was back there, so I looked around as I picked up my things.  The hamsters, guinea pigs, and rabbits are all in these plastic enclosures.   I assume this encourages lots of little hands to sample the merchandise.  As I passed the guinea pigs, they all began making a horrible racket and only stopped their squeaking when I clucked my tongue and shushed them.  I am the guinea pig whisperer!  My elation at my new found powers did not last long, however.  I turned my attention to the hamsters and discovered a terrifying truth about PetZoo.  The hamsters were all burrowed into the cedar shavings when I looked into their little cage.  You know how sometimes it looks like animals are dead but they are really just sleeping?  This is not always the case at Pet Zoo.   Sometimes they are really just dead.  Sometimes you can be sure of this because their front end is missing.

I would like to take a moment now to remind you that all the things on this blog ACTUALLY HAPPEN.  I wish I was making this part up, but Pet Zoo had only the back end of a hamster in one of those cages.  How he got that way I am not sure, but I am pretty confident that the other hamsters knew something about it.  He had been there for a while—long enough for his pitiful little rib bones to be dry and for there to be no sign of anything bloody.  The kids were appalled that I didn’t make a huge scene in the store, but come on!  No matter what the staff said it wouldn’t have made a difference.  Either they knew about the hamster murder and ignored it or they didn’t have any idea about their cannibal hamsters.  Six of one, half a dozen of the other.  You say potato…  Sometimes you decide to just pay for your rabbit food and get out while the getting’s good.  On the up side, I am pretty sure Pet Zoo would be willing to sell you a half price hamster.  (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

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Revisiting the Meat Section of Carrefour (Or Why We Don’t Buy Much Meat in China)

Remember when I described the meat section of Carrefour? How the meat is in these big open bins and you choose the pieces you want? Here is more proof that I am not crazy and that Chinese shoppers value “creative” solutions to problems. Enjoy!